Trick or ...err... trick

Hallowe'en, the night of Ghouls, witches and warlocks. A time for kids to dress up, go out and demand, if not money, then gifts with menaces.

Let's face it, that's what it is. "Give us your pocket money or we'll make you suffer". From eggs and flour to overturned dustbins and 'keyed' cars, one way of another they will make you wish you'd paid up.

Halloween (and other celebrations') origins can be found in the pagan festival of Samhain, celebrating the end of the Harvest. However, dressing up and going from door-to-door can be traced back to wassailing in the Middle Ages where the poor folk would beg for food on All Souls Day.

It took the Americans to combine the two into one event early on in the 20th Century. We can thank them for that, along with 'Have a Nice Day', 'The Dukes of Hazzard' and Jerry Springer.

When Children are small, it can be fun to dress them up. When Children are small, it can be fun to go carol singing. However, once they reach a certain age - say 8 or 9 - then the whole concept changes and householders can feel intimidated by a group at their door.

It is also my experience that the older ones come around earlier on the 31st October or come carol singing earlier and earlier in December in order to get the fresh pickings, leaving later groups to be told 'Oh, we've had the Trick or Treaters / Carol Singers around already - sorry.'


You can fight them at their own game. Closing the curtains, turning out the lights and not answering the doors is one option, as is going out. I've offered fresh fruit as the treat before now. That confuses them. The Addams Family had the right idea with a vat of boiling oil from the rooftop although of course, in the interest of health and safety and litigation, I am in no way recommending nor condoning it, just quoting it as an example. Cold water should have the same desired effect.

Responsible shops have posters up stating that they will not sell eggs or flour to anyone under 16 years old. Oh good. That should be just as effective as the smoking and alcohol notices then.


If you are concerned, contact your local Police Station or Neighbourhood Watch Coordinator as you should be able to get hold of a 'No Trick or Treat' poster to place by your front door.

Finally, I heard of one person who placed a notice on the door. "Dear Trick or Treater. My bell is not working, so please help you to a treat from the basket on the doorstep. First come, first served". He then placed an empty basket on the step, shut the door and settled back into his armchair.

Behind the scenes with Katie Melua

The Beeb are not running competitions at the moment. Thanks to Blue Peter, some kittens and a lack of respect for its paymasters' intelligence it got itself into hot water (not the kittens) for fixing competitions and currently all competitions are banned.

That notwithstanding, I (and a hundred or so others) won a competition recently. Radio 2's Ken Bruce features an 'Album of the week' and this week it is Katie Melua's latest offering - 'Pictures'. A bit of mutual back-scratching (I think Ken got the better deal, there) meant that she performed Live for the show at the BBC Radio Theatre. Competition entry involved filling out a form on t'interweb on his Home page, or sending a text via mobile 'phone. The skill element was completing my details correctly, which I managed with a bit of head scratching. A week later, I was contacted to say I had won and this morning, the alarm went off at 6.30 in preparation for the journey. I'll gloss over the journey except to say that there are charities out there caring for animals that have a better life than the intercity commuter.

BBC staff were efficient, if numerous at getting us into the building and our 'green room' and soon after 9 a.m. we were shepherded into the studio. Ken himself was the warm-up act, completely at ease despite being away from the comfort of his studio, facing a live audience and having a floor manager counting him in. After the banter between him and Terry Wogan he did the necessary introductions, played a couple of tracks and then introduced Katie, who proceeded to open with her latest single. Ken then hot-footed it back to his studio, but kept a beady eye on operations through a video link as well as chatting to Katie before and after each spot during the rest of the morning.

Although Katie only performed five numbers, she rehearsed each with her musicians and the BBC Symphony orchestra and chatted to the audience between.

There was a lot of waiting around as her spots were spread over the 2 1/2 hour show, but it provided a fascinating glimpse into the operations of a Live performance. I counted three sound desks - hers on-stage, one at the back of the auditorium and one in the glass Control room at the back. They may not all have been in use, but at least two were and if anyone can explain why more than one was needed I am all ears.

The BBC, for all its criticism, liquid lunches and overpaid chat-show hosts, does know how to patch a broadcast together from multiple locations; the Symphony orchestra was excellent at picking up a number with (presumably) no notice and making it sound good and Ken proved that you don't have to be a trendy young gift-of-the-gab DJ type to get an audience onside and produce a slick operation whilst giving out an air of casualness.

This was a free competition, but BBC TV and Radio recordings in general are free to go and see - all you need to do is apply for tickets for the show of your choice You'll be well looked after and get a glimpse of what goes on.

Oh and one final 'thank you' to Katie Melua who seems to be unaffected by new found stardom unlike certain other primadonnas of her generation and was more than happy to sign autographs and chat afterwards. I classify her as a folk rather than pop singer and this is a visible trait on the Folk Scene with very few pretensions around.

A day out of the office, some great music and afterwards a pleasant lunch at a Turkish restaurant a couple of doors down (recommended). Lovely jubbly. Shame about the trains.

Needled by the Needles

or 'The Isle of Right' pt II

Having heard of the coloured sands at Alum Bay and The Needles, we planned a trip there towards the end to the week. This proved to be the low point of the week for me - every other place we visited in the rain proved to be more pleasurable.

Having negotiated the South Coast Road, descending to Ventnor seafront by the Isle's equivalent of Lombard Street and then braved the South Coast Road * we had great expectations for a good time.

As soon as you enter the area, your heart sinks. It is just one mass commercial amusement park, designed to extract your money for the lowest cost they can get away with. The main area is a dreary amusement (ha!) park with tatty rides, bits not working and insufficient staff so that you have to hang around expectantly until a ride gets opened (This was mid-August, hardly a slack time). The souvenir shops are worthy of any street trader hanging around the tourist traps of London.

Alum Bay is still there although you are not officially supposed to collect sand from it 'due to the risk of landslides'. Instead you can purchase a tacky placky shape and fill it with Alum Bay sand from the trays scattered about the shop. Once you have fought your way around this you can join a queue to have it 'finished'. The 'finishing' staff, to give them their due were competent, no slouches and not fazed by answering the same inane questions day in, day out. Shame that there weren't enough.

We went down to Alum Bay, eschewing the rickety chairlift that looked recycled from one of the first ever ski resorts and instead descended the wooden steps down to the sea front. There was plenty to see. The Needles - at a distance, the bottom of the chairlift, 10 metres of coloured rockface with tourists scooping sand samples into plastic bags like detectives hunting for evidence of a long-lost idyll. Oh, and detritus - bottles - glass and plastic, bags, wood, bits of clothing, the odd shoe, all contributing to the 'je ne sais quois' of the area.


It's a shame. It's an historic site and if they can get it right at the Zoo or Dino World or, in fact, anywhere else on the island, then you ought to be able to expect a better standard at somewhere as full of history as Alum Bay.

From Wikipedia: "Guglielmo Marconi moved to Alum Bay in 1897 to experiment with radio. He set up a 40 meter radio antenna outside the Needles Hotel in Alum Bay. He was able to successfully transmit to the Haven Hotel in Poole 20 miles away." I wonder if that chairlift was causing interference then?

*The South Coast Road welcomes careful drivers.

Thank you. I'll have a 0.5682 Litre

On September 11th this year, the European Commission gave up waiting for us to renounce Imperial measures. According to the BBC website,

"The European Commission has tired of waiting for the UK to give up imperial measurements, and now says it can use some of them for as long it wants.

The pound and the ounce can continue to be used alongside the kilogram and gram, in markets and delicatessens, for an indefinite period.".

Hands up those who think that this is a Good Thing? One, two...three, fifty...Oh, most of you. Why?

OK, quick quiz.

Question 1. How many inches are there in a foot? Feet in a yard? Yards in a chain? Chains in a furlong? Furlongs in a mile?

Question 2. How many ounces in a pound? Pounds in a stone? Stones in a hundredweight? Hundredweight in a ton?

Question 3. How many fluid ounces in a pint? Pints in a quart? Quarts in a gallon?

Question 4. How many millimetres in a centimetre? Centimetres in a decimetre? Decimetres in a metre? Metres in a decametre? Decametres in a kilometre?

Question 5. How many grams in a kilogram? Kilograms in a tonne?

and finally...

Question 6. How many millilitres in a centilitre? Centilitres in a decilitre? Decilitres in a litre?

Answers:

Q1: 12,3,22,10,8
Q2: 16,14,8,20
Q3: 20,2,4

Q4: 10,10,10,10,100
Q5: 1000,1000
Q6: 10,10,10

Now, all those of you that are nostalgic for pints and inches, which of those tables do you think it would be easiest to learn from?

I am old enough to be brought up learning ounces, feet and tons, but young enough to also be conversant with grammes, metres and tonnes. Anyone younger will struggle with the former and anyone older will consign the latter to the same bin as the Video remote.

A system based on just one number - 10 has surely got to be better than one based on average lengths of thumbs or feet. Guess which unit comes from the Latin 'mille passus' - one thousand steps?

In the same way that if tobacco was to be discovered today, it would be classified as a Class A drug, no-one in their right minds would get away with inventing the Imperial system of measurement today. Everyone would run 1.609 kilometres.

An infinity of Last Nights

A quaint British tradition, The Henry Wood Promenade Concerts presented by the BBC - or 'The Proms' as it is generally known has come to an end for another year. They were started in 1875 by Henry Wood and, despite a sticky patch around WWII, have continued annually to this day, with about 70 concerts this season.

The 'Last Night' is the evening most people associate with the Proms, trotting out perennial favourites such as 'Jerusalem', 'Land of Hope and Glory' (Elgar's Pomp and Circumstance March No. 1) and Wood's 'Fantasia on British Sea Songs'. Admission is very much oversubscribed and to get a ticket nowadays, you have to have attended some of the others during the season to stand any chance.

It is a testament to the Proms that it has evolved over the years. Classical music is not everyone's cup of tea and the Proms could have withered away to an inconsequential annual gathering of music anoraks or even died out totally. However, with the support of the BBC and the rise in popularity of Classical Superstars - Leslie Garrett, Vanessa Mae, Katherine Jenkins, Nigel Kennedy et al, Classical Music has become 'Cool'. To this end, in 1996, Hyde Park had a screen and stage and many thousands picnicked and watched and sang. This year there were five 'Proms In The Park', each with their own programme, but all coming together for the Finale. The parks were packed with people of all ages out to have a good time. It wasn't just classical music - each Park played on its Nationalistic origins - I particularly enjoyed the Irish music from the band Beoga - complemented by an Irish dancer at the end. Fireworks added the finishing touch.

One day I hope to make one of the Park Proms and, weather permitting, it will be a good way of soaking up some classical music. Anyone else up for it? As I've nearly said before - 'You've got to try everything once'

More info at Wikipedia and the BBC website

The Isle of Right

This year the family holiday was to the Isle of Wight. We had a day trip there a couple of years ago and thoroughly enjoyed it and as our kids are still young (3 & 6, neither with passports) it seemed a good choice.

Shame about the weather.

Sunday was nice, Monday was superb. Everyone knew the weather was due to break and were making the most of it. The beaches were busy. Blackgang Chine on the South Coast reported 3,500 people through the door. We went the next day.

I'm pretty certain that the staff outnumbered us that day. As it is on the clifftops, it is totally exposed to the elements. However, with the Isle of Wight being as far South as you can get, it was actually OK. The kids wore raincoats. I don't feel the cold so I had a jumper and an umbrella to keep me dry but overall we had a very good day. No queueing, rides for as long as we wanted without returning to the back of the queue and an empty restaurant.

Whether it was feeling like Royalty - opening the park especially for us - or the Dunkirk spirit kicking in I don't know, but it is possible to enjoy yourself in adverse weather in the UK and even benefit from the experience. If you are planning a trip and the bad weather kicks in at the last minute, my suggestion is to go for it. You'll enjoy it, you won't be harassed or jostled and you should feel good by the end of it. But then again, I'm an ex-Morris dancer so am used to 'the Show Must go On' whatever the weather.

Now, the Needles. Don't get me started. I'll tell you about that later...

Foot and mouth - mushroom management

Once again, Britain has an outbreak of Foot and Mouth disease although, as I write, the current thinking is that there may have been a leak from a vaccine manufacturer - BBC report.

In our garden we have a problem with toadstools. There is a clear path along the grass showing the route that the spores have taken. My efforts to remove them started off with half-heartedly picking them. This was to no avail as they just grew back. Secondly, I made a concerted effort one year to pick them as they popped their grey heads up. This resulted in a lot of toadstools in the bin but next year they were all back again.

Last year and this, I have bitten the bullet and each time some cropped up I dug them out, complete with the grass down to 3-4 inches and with a 2-3 inch exclusion zone around the patch.

Although this year they are still growing where I haven't dug and I am repeating the exercise, the areas where they were dug out, apart from the odd one have been totally toadstool free.
The areas are actually better off as I planted with new grass seed, which is thriving.


All this has parallels with the F&M outbreak. Last time around, there was a lot of mushroom management by the Government and a very belated approach. It culled wherever there was an outbreak, but failed to stop mini-outbreaks and it was only eventually that a mass slaughter was ordered to try and contain it. The result was the devastation of many farmers' livelihoods, and enduring images of cattle funeral pyres across the country.


This time around, it seems to have learnt and, like my toadstool problem, is starting with a ring of steel and moving in, rather than micromanagement of each pocket of cases, moving the ring out each time. I almost feel a twinge of sympathy for Gordon Brown. He's photographed on his patriotic holiday in the South West yet less than 5 hours later his holiday is over as he's off to London to chair COBRA - the committee set up to manage it.

Shows across the Country and cattle farmers have all been affected again, but let us all hope that the Government has learnt its lesson from last time. I do feel that the current Prime Minister will handle it somewhat better than his predecessor - someone who definitely subscribed to the Mushroom Management cookbook.